The Last Time I Saw My Father

Christmas 2002 was the last time i saw my father.
I could not afford to come home for Christmas that year, so my mom, knowing my dad would not be around for another Christmas, paid for my ticket home. My mom and dad had been divorced for many years, so this generous gift from my mom was definitely in the spirit of the season! We had found out about a month earlier, that dad could no longer go thru any more chemo treatments or surgeries....the best the doctors could do at this time was "make him comfortable".
On Christmas evening, as we gathered together at Denise's house, i stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. We all knew this would be our last Christmas together...and though words were never expressed...you could see it in our faces. The happy "front" we had displayed all week was wearing on me, and i needed a moment of solitude. I walked out onto the driveway to admire the beautiful evening when i discovered my dad standing out there doing the same thing. We looked at each other, and as all Westropes do, we proceeded to joke and make light of the situation that i believe we were both feeling. Siting in Denises driveway was a giant, uber 80's RV, very similar to the one in the movie Stripes....in fact thats what they called it.....the urban assault vehicle :)
My dad quoted the movie Christmas Vacation......"it looks so nice parked in my driveway"...to which i responded....."but dont you go falling in love with it Clark, cause we're takin it with us when we leave here next month"!
He smiled at me and we stood together quietly for a while staring up at the sky and looking at the stars. No more words were exchanged...and they werent needed....our love for each other, and this moment (which we knew would be one of our last), was expressed in our eyes. After a while, we both headed back inside to join the festivities.
When i hugged him goodbye, for the last time, and watched him drive away, i was sad but no longer troubled, for all that needed to be said was already spoken. My father died February 8th, 2003.
Every Christmas, i think of that brief, but wonderful moment, spent on Denises driveway...and when the stars are out, i step outside for a quiet moment of reflection and think of my father.
I miss you dad!
Love Lisa

Holiday Retrospect ~

Well, the tree has been trimmed...the stockings hung...santas and snowmen adorn the cabin...and jordyn quietly naps in her swing to the music of Charlie Brown Christmas in front of a toasty fire! For many the holidays mean stress...malls...crowds...and over consumption....but to me it brings up wonderful memories of childhood and the magic of the season!
My mom would play holiday records while we decorated the tree, making fun of the silly ornaments we made over the years.
The santa made of an old toilet paper roll and construction paper missing a leg....the polaroid picture of TJ with cotton balls glued around the edges creating a frame...the angel Denise made that, over time, had hair like don king....and the badly sculpted clay bells we all made in miss Guerthes class in the fourth grade...but to my mom, these were treasures! Treasures i didnt understand until i had a child of my own. These ornaments capture a moment in time...a snapshot of our youth...and a way to revisit the past! Every time they are pulled out of the box, stories roll out along with them. Remember the time....didnt you make this....what happened to.......and then soon we are laughing and sharing our version of the same tale!
When i moved to Colorado, Christy and i would go to Gwens house and do the same thing.....in fact, one year, while teasing Gwen about the ornaments, we made her cry. I guess we didnt realize how important those ornaments were and still are! We laugh about it now, but i still feel bad about making her cry. But now i understand, and find myself getting nostalgic over my own silly ornaments. I have one particular ornament that i hang every year....its a lenox christmas package with my name on the tag....a gift from my father. Every year i can say i have a present under the tree from my father, even though he passed away 3 years ago. Of course the real gift he gave to me, his love of life...sense of humor...and of course, my blue eyes.....which i passed on to Jordyn!
Jordyn, only 4 1/2 months old is already taking part in these holiday traditions...Here is a photo of her as she models her daddys old Christmas outfit from 1968, and i must say...it looks like new! Grandma kristie preserved it well! Just as i hope to preserve some of the Westrope....Bruen....Sattler Holiday traditions!

May peace come to us all this Holiday Season!
Love lisajo

My 5 Christmas Senses.....
see........the colors, lights and twinkles of a tree, while snow falls lightly on the ground
hear......the sounds of "its a wonderful life" playing on the television, laughter and the crackle of a fire
smell.....the scent of a warm fire on a cold night with something yummie cooking on the stove....perhaps lasagna
taste......the warm rush of cocoa with mini marshmallows....sometimes with just a hint of peppermint schnapps :)
touch.....a hug and the love that touches my heart when i think of my family